We have a heartbeat!!!

Here is the first picture of our precious baby...



It doesn't look like much more than a little worm right now, but we saw a nice strong heartbeat flickering on the screen.

Based on the babies measurments I am 6 weeks and 4 days. My due date is June 21st.

Thank you so much to all who have been praying for us and we ask that you continue to do so.

One step closer...

I had blood drawn this morning for my repeat Beta and just talked with the nurse. For comparison, my number on the 16th was 813. Today it was 22,000. She was more than pleased and said they don't usually see that high of a number. She then asked me if I had any history of multiples in my family and I of course said, "no". She said, "well then it just must be one really healthy one in there."

The first nurse I spoke with said my numbers should double approximately every 48 hours. I found an online calculator that determines the doubling time and mine doubled every 50 hours. According to the nurse I talked with today they are looking for a doubling rate of 60% every 48 hours. Either way I think I'm good! ;)

I checked out the charts again and my numbers put me between 6 and 8 weeks and the nurse gave me a gestation of 7 weeks 2 days, although I think it's more like 6 weeks.

I have an appt with my OB on Monday and will hopefully have some more definitive news to share them. I'm pretty sure we will have an ultrasound.

Please continue to pray for us.

I think I'm starting to get excited...

Because one just isn't enough!

Yes, that's right, I'm PREGNANT!

I tested on Monday and am still in complete shock. It makes no logical sense for me to be pregnant right now, but 3 home pregnancy tests and 1 blood test later, it seems to true. I had my blood drawn on Monday and the nurse called me on Tuesday with the results. My beta number was 813 which according to this chart puts me at about 5 weeks. If this is accurate then I was pregnant at my appointment with the RE a couple weeks ago, although it was too early to show up on the ultrasound or pregnancy test I had there.

As I mentioned before, this makes no logical sense. I have a chart that says I didn't ovulate and a Doctor who looks at my ovaries and said I hadn't ovulated and wasn't going to, yet I'm pregnant (obviously I HAD to ovulate at some point). We have no doubt that this is God working in our life...an answer to ours and so many others prayers.

I can't say that I know for sure this pregnancy will result in a baby in 9 months, but I can say that regardless of the outcome I know now that I (we) will be okay. I cannot even begin to express what I have learned and how I have grown in the last 2 years. God has used this time to show me things that I may have never been able to understand had I not walked through this valley. I have learned to put all of my trust in Him (as much as humanly possible) and to live in the present and appreciate the blessing I have in my life and not dwell on the one's I don't.

I have made a choice to enjoy and celebrate each day of this pregnancy. I know my heart is still guarded...I can feel it, but every once in a while I let myself be in the excitement of a new life being created...in the thoughts of a growing belly, first flutters, and ultimately welcoming a new son or daugther into our family next Summer.

We will have a repeat Beta done on Thursday and I will get the results on Friday. We are looking for my numbers to double every 48 hours from the last draw. If all looks well they will schedule me an ultrasound for 2 weeks from Friday. The nurse said by then we should be able to see a heartbeat, date the pregnancy and give me a due date.

Those of you who know me well, know that having NO idea when I got pregnant is completely crazy, but you know what...sometimes it's good not to know...not to be in control and to just trust that God is doing His work in our lives.

Please continue to pray for us and our precious growing baby. We want this child with all of our heart and hope to have nothing but good news to share with you from now on.

"In love's service, only wounded soldiers can serve." Thorton Wilder

Post Secrets...

I am completly OBSESSED with this website! As someone who is very "psychological" as Andy puts it I cannot stay away from it. I of course love reading the postcards and imagining the person who sent them, but more than that I imagine how much better they feel after sending their postcard. I tell people all the time that the things we keep hidden have an incredible amount of control over us, and as soon as we make the choice not to hide them anymore they loose their power. I compare it to carrying a hundred pound weight that suddenly turns into a 5 pound weight. It's amazing how bound we can be by the skeletons in our closet.

I was a person who for a long time kept everything bottled up inside. I felt horrible for the "bad" things I did in my life and was completely terrified of people finding out that I wasn't necessarily the "good" girl they thought I was. And then something changed...I'm not sure exactly what it was but I began to realize that I wasn't defined by the poor choices I made in life, rather I was a person who was forgiven by God and that was all that mattered. Sometime along the way Andy came to the same conclusion (maybe even before I did) and we have made it a point to be as real as we can. We don't go around broadcasting all of the "bad" things we have done, but we don't hide them either and aren't afraid to share them with someone in a similar situation. It seems that by us taking that first step so many people have been able to open up and say, "me too!" Those two words are incredibly powerful to the person saying them and that is where the chains begin to loosen.

Anyways, I know that some of you will read this and think I am a complete quack and that's okay (I think it myself sometimes), but I know others will really identify with it.

We all make poor choices in life. None of us are perfect. Get rid of the chains!

Appt with the Reproductive Endocrinologist

Well, we finally did it. After almost 2 years of trying to get pregnant we admitted defeat and consulted with a fertility specialist. When I made the appt 2 months ago I was very reluctant but over the last couple months have warmed up to the idea. Today when I left felt a real sense of peace about it.

Dr. F took us both by surprise with his laid back demeanor. He was very relaxed and personable. He took plenty of time to listen to me ramble (you all know I did) and explained things in a way that we were both able to understand. After taking our history he asked me what I thought the problem was and I told him, "my eggs". He shook his head in agreement and said that I more than likely have PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). I have had doctors mention this as a possibility before, but today I received an official diagnosis thanks to an ultrasound that showed my ovaries covered in clusters of immature follicles.

He said that with the PCOS and endometriosis combined we have a very small chance of conceiving on our own. Obviously it is possible because I have been pregnant twice, but after rambling off statistics that I can't remember he said in the last 2 years of trying to conceive we have had maybe 5 actual chances of getting pregnant. Play those numbers out and it could take a very long time to acheive a pregnancy on our own.

With that he suggested that a combination of ovulation induction and IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) would give us the best chances of acheiving a pregnancy at this point. We agreed to give it a try and spent a good 30 minutes with the nurse explaining our treatment protocol.

In a nutshell this is how it looks...

* I started Provera tonight to induce my period.

*On day 2 of my period I will go in for baseline bloodwork.

*On day 2-6 I will take Clomid.

*Sometime between cycle day 6 and 10 I will go in for an HSG test.

*Cycle day 10 I will begin using an Ovulation Predictor Kit.

*Cyle day 12 I will go in for an ultrasound to check follicle numbers and size.

*As soon as I receive an LH surge on the OPK I will call the office and they will schedule the IUI within 24 hours.

*The actual IUI takes less than 30 minutes (5 minutes for the procedure and 15 minutes of lying down afterwards) and then I can resume my normal activities.

*At the time of the IUI they will wash the sperm and do a sperm analysis to rule out any male factor.

*And then we will wait for approximately 2 weeks for a Beta HCG test (blood pregnancy test).

So that about sums it up. Andy and I have put a lot of time, conversation and prayer into this and we really feel good about it. We feel like this is the road that God has put before us and we are excited to journey down it until we are shown differently.

I hesitated for a moment to share the details of our appt with everyone, but 2 things prompted me to do so. The first was a comment that Dr. F made to us. He said, "This is no different than any other medical condition. No one ever tells a person with a cancer to realax and see what happens and we shouldn't view this any differently." The other was a simple check in with the hubby. I asked him if he minded if I shared the details of our appt on my blog and he said, "not at all". I know this is virtually impossible for those who haven't gone through this or something similar to understand but sometimes this feels so isolating. It's somewhat of a taboo topic and according to Dr. F it is because people feel uncomfortable with anything to do with others sex lives so they just don't ask about it. I get that, but it doesn't make it any easier for those going through it. Anyways, I don't want this to sound like a pity party, just wanted to explain a little about why we chose to share so openly about our struggles to conceive another child.

Please keep us in your prayers over the next few months. We are excited but also realistic about what we are getting ourselves in to. My biggest concern is how the meds will affect my body considering how sensitive I am to most medication.

Check back for updates as I will try my best to post as things happen.

Quote

“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substance: If there is an reaction, both are transformed.” Carl Jung




Any thoughts?

Family!

We spent the weekend at Andy's grandma and grandpa's house celebraing Poppy's 76th birthday. Saturday night all of the cousins and their spouses got together for dinner which was really fun. It had been over 10 years since everyone had been together so it was pretty special. The same was true for Poppy's birthday party. All of the kids, grandkids and one special great grandchild were there. We had a really nice time visiting with everyone and catching up. Bella was beside herself with excitement over seeing her Grammy, Grandma and Auntie. She talked about them all the way there and all the way home. She's a lucky little girl to have a family who loves her so much.

I took a few pictures that of course I have to share. Enjoy...