In my car, on the way to pick up Bella from preschool, it hit me...I need to be content with the life I have! Content with the wonderful husband and incredibly beautiful daughter that the Lord has blessed me with. I HAVE A CHILD! So many women don't. I always said that the one thing I wanted to do in life was experience being pregnant, giving birth and raising a child. I've done the first 2 parts and am doing the last part right now. I have such a blessed and joyous life and I want to live each day in that truth. I want to be happy, really happy with the life I have and if the Lord chooses to bless us with another child, then great, but if not, I want to okay with that too. I don't want to live each day in the hope of what may be, but instead in the joy of what is. I want to be a whole person. A whole mother, a whole wife, a whole woman. I want to offer all that I am to the people I love. I can only do this if I let go of my own desires and accept God's plan for my life.
Do I still want another baby? Yes. Desperately. Is it hard not to let it consume me? Unbelievably hard. Will I always have such an optimistic point of view? No way! There will still be days that I find myself unable to escape the cloud above my head, but instead of succumbing to it, I hope to rise above it, look around and rest in the assurance that I have a really, really fabulous life!
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